(Source: twinflam3s)
i just don’t want to think anymore.
i haven’t felt this way in a long time:(
this is not good.
(Source: remeron--oleptro)
All I had to do for a few months was go to class on time and do my damn homework. But I brushed it off. Because I’ve always been able to get by, because that was just how it worked. I could always pull it together. Except this time. Two fails, two fail withdrawls, and one A. Funny how that worked, huh? I aced one class, I went to one class. But I was too fucking lazy to do anything else for five months. I hate myself. I can’t believe I could be so fucking thoughtless, so careless, so damn STUPID. I just don’t know how I’m suppose to tell my parents. It’s almost been a month since I found out. Christmas Day I checked my email and received noticed I’d been put on suspension. My life is so fucked right now. So unbelievably fucked. And you know what’s sick? Every time I get in my car a part of me wishes I would get in an accident, total the car and get a little beat up. I don’t want to die, but I want to just have something eclipse this. I don’t want to have to tell my parents out of the blue like this. I can’t face my whole family, my friends, I can’t. I’m a coward. And it’s making me physically sick. I am so lost in the real world. I have to keep reading when I’m not working so I can force myself to push out reality for just a little longer.
Being home for the weekend was so nice. So amazing. I love being around my parents and visiting them, having my mom cook for me and going out to eat with my dad. I know they love me, and I know they still will when I tell them. But I have never done anything do damn disappointing in my whole life. I’m so scared to see the look of disappointment in their eyes. And I have to do it twice.
I might just let depression come upon me. I’m too ashamed to even talk to God about it.
(Source: pretty-restless-youth)
